I know you have seen the Matrix. So in those scenes where Neo is about to get shot by a million bullets but he appears to be moving in slow motion, dodging all of them, but for all intents and purposes the rest of the word is moving at normal speed…
My nose is running so bad. It’s fucking freezing out. December in Bmore is nothin nice. December in Bmore when you’re dope sick is even worse. The trip in to Coldspring was brutal. I almost got off the metro at the Reisterstown Road Plaza stop just to get it quicker, but it was a longer walk, and it was a gamble so I stayed strong and stayed on. Yeah, I can do that for dope. I can do whatever it takes to get high. It’s everything else I fail at. So I get off the metro, smacking my shoulder into everyone in front of me as I hustle past them towards the steps. I bounce down the steps, two at time. The security guard gives me the same shitty ass sideways look that he always gives me as I roll past his booth. I’m a damn surgeon when it comes to putting the ticket in the gate to get through. Everyone else seems to get caught up.
At the bottom of the escalator is the normal team of guys trying to sell their “day pass, yo. I got that day pass.” They get passed by too. Up the steps to the street, over the tracks…2 blocks up on the left by the fugazi of a car repair shop I check for my girl. She isn’t there.
I shuffle up to the McDonald’s where I overdosed that one day, nobody there that I want to see at least. So I’m at the corner now. This old head comes up to me where the crippled old man is sellin loose ones. She said “Damn honey, you better zip that vest up, sugar.” I respond “Nah Mommy, that shits busted.” And just like that, shit slows down…
…I see my man across Park Heights walking up. But not everything is slow motion. Everything to my left and right is moving at normal speed. Everything between me and him is in slow motion though. I run his way. Earlier in the trip I could barely walk, but now I can run. He sees me and flags me around the building to wait for him. I do…and the world is right.
Today on the way home from work I called my boss. I asked him about taking a few days off around the holidays. He insisted I take a whole week, paid. I was shocked. I mean it’s in my contract at work and all, but it was just weird to hear. The truth is, I qualify for 2 weeks off.
Paid.
This week I’ll get paid and I’ll be able to get presents for my people. My son. My father and step mom. My Mother. My baby momma. My brother. Hopefully my cousin. I should be able to get something small for everyone and still catch up on bills. I’ll get to be available to whomever wants to see me or my kin. I’ll be willing to drive to meet people. I’ll be able to do for everyone else. I won’t have to worry, be completely consumed…with me.
What I’m hoping is that for a few minutes, on that week that I just get to be with my family, seeing my kids playing. Playing with them. Laughing with family. That the world slows down long enough for me to capture that memory. Capture that Love, so that I never have to substitute anything or anybody for it again.