I am often asked about my sobriety. My beliefs in God. My past. What action I take to try and remain spiritually fit. My responses to these questions are in stark contrast to how I respond to other questions or conversation. In normal, everyday conversation, my approach is one of two things. Either I remain somewhat silent, or aggressively convicted. If I am not comfortable with my level of understanding on the topic, I normally try to observe. If I am experienced on the topic, I have a hard time acknowledging that someone else in the room might know more than me. Unless it’s like wildly obvious, then I will accept my position.
But when someone asks me about my beliefs in God, or why things happened the way they did, or asks me about the topic of spiritual fitness…my voice changes. I am more soft spoken. I seem to be involuntarily softened. I am not a hit you with the Bible or Big Book type of guy. I am not a “let me prove you wrong with scripture” or a paragraph in the Big Book kind of guy.
I think I am this way for a couple of reasons. The first reason is, because I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that approach. If you are that guy, I can almost assure you that you are pushing more people away than you are attracting. I can also comfortably say that you can have a conversation about Jesus without quoting 6 verses of scripture in a 5 second response. It’s not attractive and it’s not ALWAYS necessary.
I am not saying that quoting biblical scripture or lines from the Big Book are wrong, in fact I feel quite the opposite. What I am saying is that it has its time and place. I am not ashamed of my beliefs. At all. I am not embarrassed and I am not afraid to share what I believe.
I believe that Jesus is Lord and that God raised Him from the dead.
I believe that the principles laid out in the 12 steps are a fool proof way to establish and cultivate a relationship with God.
The other reason I am this way (based on around 20 years of experience) is that someone who lacks faith in God, cares less about my words or knowledge and more about the action I take. A lost man needs (and wants) to be guided (walked with) towards the Solution. He will be more receptive to me crawling in the trenches with him than he will be listening to me speak from a soapbox. He is not impressed with my quoting scripture, he is not impressed with me saying where in the Big Book you can find the 7th step prayer. He is moved, intrigued and impressed by my patience and tolerance. He takes note of me putting my busy life on hold to spend time with him. In his weakest moments he will remember that I drove 6 hours out of my way to sit at his kitchen table for 2 hours on a work night.
I used to be someone who swung the book at you. Spit quotes at you. “Proved you wrong.” I am so grateful that I have nothing to prove to you anymore. It is quite candidly extremely freeing. I am reliant on God and I demonstrate that by my actions, not my words. When asked to speak, I do not shy away from sharing my experience, journey and testimony. I will never stop doing that, but the moment I use my words rather than my actions as means to prove my reliance on God will be the moment I walk on a path that God didn’t lay out for me.