I have an older brother. He’s two and a half years older than me, much bigger than me, funnier than me, probably smarter than me and more quick tempered than me.
I wouldn’t say we exactly “got along” in the way I would want growing up, but one thing I will never forget is that when I was in serious trouble, he was there for me.
Out of respect for him, I won’t share certain things that I feel compelled to, but we got into some pretty wild situations growing up. We skateboarded together our whole lives, went to the beach all the time, and we got in countless fights…both with each other and against other people. If you know him personally, you know he was intimidated (and still isn’t) by no one. He would throw hands despite the odds. Bigger than him? Didn’t matter. Got 3 friends with you? Didn’t matter. You would end up sleeping on the concrete in no time. He bailed me out of a few potential ass whippings, that’s for sure.
He’s hilarious. No one can escape his humor. He’s had me laughing from the time I could understand the English language and hasn’t let up since.
I have always looked up to him. He would always give me clothes that I couldn’t afford. Hit me up with cash if I really needed it. He paid bar tabs. He was a good brother. But we had our tough moments as well.
He threw me through a screen door once. Hog tied me with a phone cord and ripped me off a bar stool with it. He tossed me over a sofa and I fell down the steps. He’s smacked me so hard across my face that my ears were ringing. Held me under the water until I almost blacked out.
But he was a good brother and I love him.
One time he was over seas, in the Middle East fighting bad guys or something. Meanwhile, I was shooting heroin and cocaine everyday. I was homeless in Baltimore city at the time. While he was deployed, he allowed me to stay in his house in the city with his then girlfriend. I was not doing well at the time. Everyday I woke up sick. Everyday the first thought I had was about myself. It was a way of life. At this point in my life, I was coming to the end of my drug use and I had run out of options of targets to manipulate. Instead, I hurt people, robbed people and stole from my family or anyone else that would permit me to be close to something valuable. Anyway, he had this knife in his nightstand in his spare room. It was a spring loaded out-the-front knife that I think he smuggled over here from another country. Initially, I took it to defend myself as I was walking into potentially deadly situations…daily and sometimes multiple times a day. I had planned on returning it to the nightstand before he returned into the country. But it only takes one time of being without money and dope sick to sell something that’s not yours, ya know?
Fast forward about 6 years or so. I’m sober, I’m better, I’m seeking God daily, multiple times a day and I am happy. I am able to navigate through life in such a way that no hurdle was too high. My brother was not. Ever since then, my brother’s view of me has changed. He has asked me for my advice….a lot. He respects me. He knows I am a good man and that I can be trusted. He sees that I have overcame more than most. I have hustled and I have not accepted failure no matter what. I went through a divorce and I struggled financially on my own, trying to raise two kids. I made sure that my kids had a father. I made sure they were loved. I tried my best and he saw that.
He sees that in me, even from the other side of the country. He loves who I have become.
Today I went to the post office with my son after we got off work. I was exhausted. I strapped on my mask and gloves and walked in there. I purchased the shipping label and packed a small usps box up with a brand new spring loaded OTF knife and sent him the tracking for it.
I’ve been sober for over 11 years and I quite honestly forgot that I even cuffed his knife until recently. I have made a lot of amends in sobriety and a lot of them were so beautiful and I believe divinely inspired.
Today was no different.
Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them: then come and offer your gift.”