It seems like an eternity that I’ve been bringing my son to appointments like this. It hasn’t been an eternity at all, but it feels like it. I believe he had his first seizure at age 9 or so. I remember that like it was yesterday. I wrote about that experience before so I’m not going to do that again. It was a very traumatic experience at the time though. I was maybe 3 or 4 years sober and it was the first thing that really scared the living shit out of me in sobriety.
Throughout my life, the wisest of people always told me to be grateful that I had my health and that my kids were healthy. There are few instances prior to Canaan’s first seizure that I understood that. There are even less instances since, that I haven’t.
The wellbeing and overall health of my children is a constant point of concern of mine. A lot of people think I’m too overprotective, I think I’m just fine. I know they’ll experience pain in life, physical or otherwise but I just want to shield them from as much of it as I can while I can and still allow them to learn the lessons life needs them to learn.
We are currently hanging out in the waiting area at John’s Hopkins Neurology. If you have never spent any time in a neurology department, be thankful. There are some people in really bad shape here. There is a plus to it though, for me it reminds me of what I have to be grateful for.
So my son has generalized epilepsy. His particular epilepsy only causes him to have seizures while sleeping. We are here because we are hopeful that he has possibly outgrown it. His Neurologist advised us that he needed to be sleep deprived for this test so that he can sleep while getting it done.
He went to work with me today and has been nodding out all day from not going to bed before 4am and waking up at 7:30. He’s a real trooper. He has kept his personality light all day and he also got to see me working for the bulk of the day which I think he enjoyed.
So there’s nothing in this post that will be witty, humorous or anything like that. I’m just voicing that I am grateful for everything as it is. My son is epileptic, but he could be in far worse condition. He could also have out grown it and we should find out soon.
If you are a parent reading this, I wish you and your children the best of health. And listen, it’s not like epilepsy is really all that bad. It’s more inconvenient than anything…but I still want him to be free of it. Kids (especially this one) have enough to deal with in life.
I am most grateful that I have the ability to be present to support him today. That I can be the father I always wanted to be. That I feel God is here with us both at this very moment. It’s a beautiful thing to feel protected.