I haven’t posted anything on here for awhile and I have no intention of keeping up with this like I was before. For some reason though, I find myself logging in to post some thoughts.
The other day, someone told me that the people that post status updates on their facebook page, only do so because they want people to pay attention to them. They want people to read, “like” and/or comment on what they have to say. This was said to me like it was asinine. Perhaps it is, perhaps no one wants to be the person that starves for attention but does everything they can do to receive that attention. I believe I am somewhere in the middle. I don’t wish to be ignored, but I also have no intentions on being the star of the show anymore. I think the need to be the center of attention goes away with a little dose of G-d reliance. I was taught to help in silence but be quick to tell those still suffering how to get out of misery. I do my best with that. I guess just by saying that in a public forum makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but I don’t really care.
My children constantly crave attention and I constantly give them mine. They deserve it. I think on some level we all do. I think if I were to tell you I never need to be given attention on some level, you could rightfully call me a liar.
I am a kid at heart. I am wise enough to not act out for attention, but grateful enough of this life I have been given to embrace it when it comes. I think that’s why I give my sons all the attention I can…because I want so much for them to taste the life I live. I want my life, with G-d included to be attractive to them.
I spent the last hour at least holding my 3 month old son. He went from screaming and crying at first, to gently sleeping in my arms. It took the whole hour for him to go from one extreme to the other, but he eventually was at peace.
My life was exactly that way. I lived so long being restless. Crying. Panic stricken. Hungry for something. Only to finally submit. One day finally having enough of being miserable and just closing my eyes and being at peace.