There’s a special place in my heart for children of broken homes, sons and daughters of addicted parents, abused kids, children who grew up in poverty, basically any little boy or girl who had to face more than most have to. I know there’s problems in every family. I know we all had to get through stuff. I’m not talking about the average person. I’m referring to the kids who were placed in a position to internalize their parent’s bullshit. The kids who got hit by their father’s belt and walked away not thinking “Man, I’ll never do that again. I don’t want to get hit by that belt anymore” but instead were plagued by self doubt and insecurity. The ones who walked away from a beating thinking “Why am I not loved enough to be talked to instead of hit?” Or “I wish my dad believed me that I just don’t know why I did that” or “I’m such a bad person that I am being hit with a belt and I bet I’m the reason mom and dad are getting a divorce.”
There are so many kids that believe they were the catalyst for their parents getting a divorce. They walk around with that. Some never think otherwise.
This is why I was so selective when I decided to be with my wife, knowing that even tho she didn’t birth my boys, they would potentially feel the same thoughts as any kid of a broken home felt if her and I didn’t make it.
This is why when I decided to cross that line with her, I did so under God’s direction. When me and their mother went in different directions, I watched my kids, both of them…cry themselves to sleep every night for a very long, uncomfortable amount of time. I can promise you that it was not easy to be strong in those moments. It was not easy to hold my tongue. I did it, and continue to hold my tongue because I don’t want my children to suffer. Truth always rises to the top. I know this to be fact.
My current wife, my boy’s stepmother is more of a rock to this family than I am a lot of the times. I feel completely safe with her as a parent to these children. It is a sense of security that I have always longed for. It is the result of God reliance from the two heads of the household. It is a perfect scenario for a child to be raised in…and we have 3 kids that have the potential to be free of unnecessary pain.
I wonder if lack of God reliance is the reason people do what they do? I wonder how many children suffer because their parents are too proud to surrender to the idea that maybe they are not as strong as they think.
I am not saying that someone who isn’t God reliant can’t raise their kids in a healthy manner, I’m not saying it because I believe they can and do. I’m not contradicting Proverbs 13:24 either. I’m talking about more than that. I just know who I am and I know that if my wife and I weren’t God focused, our children would suffer and I am so grateful we are giving them the love they deserve.