I put on the biggest front when I walked through those doors. Like, I wish a nigga would type of face on. Meanwhile, I had just come off a run and probably weighed like 140lbs. Not intimidating at all. I really acted out in that place. Locked myself in a staff member\u2019s office. Stole the faculty\u2019s coffee. It was the first treatment center I went to. First of many. I didn\u2019t participate. I didn\u2019t try to make friends. I didn\u2019t give a fuck about getting sober or changing my life really. I just wanted the pain to stop and I wanted to get my family off my back. It wasn\u2019t real yet. It wasn\u2019t serious\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2026yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But in and out of treatment centers, detox\u2019s, jails, mental wards of hospitals, shelters, people\u2019s floors, cars (some mine, some not), apartments and vacant\u2019s I went\u2026 for the next like 7 years. And you better believe over that time period shit got very real. It got very serious. It got deathly serious on multiple occasions. The weirdest thing about that was, that I didn\u2019t care anymore than when I walked through those first treatment center doors. That\u2019s the thing about me; I\u2019m pretty comfortable with being stuck. For the most part at least. Pro\u2019s and cons are weighed and if the situation looks too difficult to change, I just won\u2019t. I\u2019ll get locked up or die first. That\u2019s how I\u2019m wired.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish I could say I never wanted to die during that time because I did. Trust that. All the time actually. For some reason tho, I\u2019m still alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I know why. They\u2019re in the other room right now<\/strong> playing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I recently lost a very close friend of mine. Not only me, a lot of people lost a close friend. A mother is without a son today. A brother is an only child. A father is without a son. A grandfather is without a grandson. I feel like I am on the bottom of the list of close people to him, but I am hurting over it. I can\u2019t even imagine what those other folks are going thru.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you run in the circles that I run in, you see and hear of people dying a lot. Young people. Good people. It happens all the fucking time. It\u2019s tragic every fucking time. But what I\u2019m about to say might have you judge me as an asshole or a heartless fuck but it\u2019s the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most of the time that someone I know dies from the illness I have, I\u2019m not even really bothered. I chalk it up as part of the game. These people knew death was a very real possibility just as I do and they played anyway. They took the risk (just as I have many many many, fuck\u2026countless times) and they lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But this boy that just died I helped raise into adulthood. I poured my heart out to him and let him do the same with me. I invested all I had into him and he got happy. He got better. He loved and was loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n BY A LOT OF FUCKING PEOPLE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He was was one of the good guys, for real. His smile was legit and made me smile every time I saw his goofy ass. My kids loved him. I can\u2019t really say enough about how important he was to me. But he took that risk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I will never see him again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I went past that first treatment center I went to this afternoon on my way home. It\u2019s vacant now. All the buildings around it are vacant. It\u2019s a fucking memory. A memory that I won\u2019t ever forget. Just like the memory of my homie that just passed away. I put that in the vault and I plan on trying my best to help as many others like him as I can until I die. Maybe one will see things the way I do. Maybe one will be able to raise his kids like I\u2019m doing. Have a career like I have. Chase dreams, be a son, a friend, a brother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Maybe. Maybe not. But I will try.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I put on the biggest front when I walked through those doors. Like, I wish a nigga would type of face on. Meanwhile, I had just come off a run and probably weighed like 140lbs. Not intimidating at all. I really acted out in that place. Locked myself in a staff member\u2019s office. Stole the … <\/p>\n