It really wasn\u2019t that long ago when I had nowhere to call my home. There may have been couches I could crash on, sure. Maybe for a night or two I could stay at a friend\u2019s house (that I haven\u2019t spoken to in years). Maybe they hadn\u2019t heard who I have become yet. I definitely wore out my welcome with any family members. Everyone of them knew I was a thief and a master manipulator. They all knew the lifestyle I was living. In hindsight, I recognize that there was never a lack of love, and candidly I believe most of my family just couldn\u2019t stomach watching me kill myself anymore so they waited and hoped and prayed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My days were all the same. I\u2019ve spent too much time in this blog describing what they looked like, but for the purpose of this short story I will offer you a snippet because it\u2019s relevant to recap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want to share with you that during my last couple years of getting high, my son suffered. He went without. He lacked the guidance that he deserved. He missed out on attention. He was robbed of security. He was lonely. He was unsure. He felt betrayed. He felt unloved. He compared himself to other children\u2026and he ended up feeling less-than. He was deprived of the lessons only a father can teach their son. He was moved from house to house. From family member to family member. He moved from school to school. He cried. He felt lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meanwhile, I was out everyday trying to get heroin and cocaine. I was out robbing people. Boosting from stores. Hurting others. I hurt so many people. I was stealing everything. I was selling drugs (real and fake). I was picking up strangers for money. When it comes to ways drug addicted people get money, I did everything except prostitute myself. Everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought of my son often and the pain I was causing him. In fact, not a day went by that I didn\u2019t think of him but I wasn\u2019t able to do anything about it at the time. At least on my own I wasn\u2019t and I was very convinced that I was on my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Those days were filled with the darkest, most destructive, demonic type of pain anyone can experience. There is a loneliness that is coupled with drug addiction and it\u2019s something that for some is big enough to intentionally end it all. Canaan is the only reason I refrained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last week my son, wife, our friend Courtney and I went to tour a house that we were thinking of buying. I just want to say that again because honestly it\u2019s just so surreal to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last week my son, wife, our friend Courtney and I went to tour a house that we were thinking of buying. We went in together but I broke off from the group because I was completely overwhelmed with emotion. Lately my son has made a point to be attached to my hip anywhere we go. I love it so much. We go to the store, he walks next to me. We are at the mall, he\u2019s right next to me. We are in a restaurant waiting to be sat, he\u2019s in my ear burning through story after story. In any case, I\u2019m walking through this house inspecting it. I am a very visual person. I think I see the world differently than most. I was seeing my kids playing in this house that was completely empty, but I could see them jumping on the bed. I saw them running down the hall. I heard them laughing. I saw my special needs pit bull, Pig chasing his tail frantically for absolutely NO REASON AT ALL CONSTANTLY. I watched my wife cooking. I smelled the food. My imagination is childlike sometimes and I hope I never lose that. So here comes Canaan catching up to me and we\u2019re both in awe of the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He tapped me on the shoulder and said, \u201cHey Dad, you know what\u2019s cool about this house?\u201d And I said \u201cWhat\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looked me dead in my eyes and said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat Keegan won\u2019t have to grow up like I did.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Normally you would think that would be a crushing blow, but it wasn\u2019t. I responded that yes, he was right, but I have tried my best to be a good father to him since he was 7 (he\u2019s 17 and a half now) and he agreed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then we both stopped and I said \u201cBut I want you to stop and think about something. Think about the first 7 years of your life and think about those struggles, and think about who I was and my struggles.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His face started to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I said \u201cNow stop and think about the last 10 and a half years and the trajectory of both of our lives. Think about how different things are. Think about that everything we have is a result of me simply relying on God and being the type of man I think He wants me to be. We could buy this house today and it is solely based on that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His eyes filled up, so did mine\u2026as they are right now while I\u2019m typing this. God has the ability to change lives in ways that we just don\u2019t know. I can promise you that when I made the decision to ask God for help, I wasn\u2019t expecting a fraction of what He\u2019s done. I shortchanged the shit out of God.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jeremiah 29:11<\/p>\n\n\n\n
11 For I know the plans I have for you,\u201d declares the LORD, \u201cplans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It really wasn\u2019t that long ago when I had nowhere to call my home. There may have been couches I could crash on, sure. Maybe for a night or two I could stay at a friend\u2019s house (that I haven\u2019t spoken to in years). Maybe they hadn\u2019t heard who I have become yet. I definitely … <\/p>\n