It\u2019s that time of year again. It\u2019s cold out, it gets dark earlier, and man, the stress seems bigger. Christmas is over, money\u2019s tighter, and life feels heavier. But this time of year is always an annual reminder of who I was before January 2, 2009. That was the last time I walked into a treatment center as a patient. That’s my sobriety date. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back then, I was torn up, homeless, and wanted by the law in multiple parts of Maryland. I hadn\u2019t seen my son in a while. I was underweight, wildly unhealthy, and distant from God and my family. Christmas wasn\u2019t something I participated in anymore. Some years, I didn\u2019t even try to get presents. Other years, I\u2019d boost (steal) them from a store, but those gifts never lasted long. They\u2019d get stolen back from the recipients, sold, and the money would end up in my veins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So yeah, this time of year is weird for me. It\u2019s filled with gratitude, but it also keeps me aware of who I used to be and who I could easily become again. I\u2019ve seen it happen to others over the years. People with decades of sobriety go back out. Some face heavy consequences, others seemingly just spiritual ones. But they all have consequences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wonder sometimes why I\u2019ve been so fortunate with my sobriety. There\u2019ve been challenges, like health issues requiring medication that, in the past, would\u2019ve sent me on a run. But somehow, it didn\u2019t. I didn\u2019t abuse the meds, and maybe that helped. Still, I feel like I\u2019m in a place of safety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not as active in recovery as I was early on. Back then, I went to meetings every day and sponsored more people than I could count. But life\u2019s different now. I have a wife, three more kids, and a career I treasure that deserves my full attention every minute I am awake. I used to feel guilty about not being as involved in recovery, but not anymore. I\u2019m not chained to anyone else\u2019s opinion of who I should be. I\u2019m doing the best I can in every area of my life, and that\u2019s enough for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So tomorrow, I\u2019ll wake up with 16 years of sobriety behind me. And guess what? It doesn\u2019t define me. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I\u2019m grateful I\u2019m not shooting dope and coke or drinking myself into a blackout anymore. But abstinence isn\u2019t what I focus on these days. What matters to me is how much my perspective, my actions, and my treatment of others have changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Am I perfect? Not even close<\/strong>. Do I treat everyone kindly all the time? Nope, though I wish I did.<\/strong> Do I allow toxic behavior in my life? Absolutely not, even if it means keeping people I love at arm\u2019s length<\/strong>. That\u2019s part of my strength now. Recovery taught me to protect what matters most, my kids and my wife. I shoulder the stress, the pain, and everything else life throws at me so I can show up for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t run. I don\u2019t quit. For them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t share much about my struggles with others, not because I\u2019m closed off, but because I don\u2019t see the value in venting just to vent. When I\u2019m truly hopeless, I\u2019ll talk to someone, but only after I\u2019ve spoken to God first. I process some things with people I trust, but mostly, I focus on what I can change. I speak to some daily frustrations I have with people, but that’s about it. I feel like for me and my recovery, part of that is I no longer make excuses for my problems.\u00a0 My problems are my responsibility, and the solution almost (that’s generous) always involves me adjusting something I\u2019m doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Recovery has transformed me from a homeless addict into a father. That\u2019s what this blog has always been about, transformation. It\u2019s about what God can do when you let Him. It\u2019s about the drastic life changes that are possible when you put Him first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re struggling to believe transformation is possible, let me tell you, it is. There are people out there willing to help, and I\u2019m one of them. If I can\u2019t help, I know someone who can. But at the end of the day, it comes down to you. You have to switch something up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s that time of year again. It\u2019s cold out, it gets dark earlier, and man, the stress seems bigger. Christmas is over, money\u2019s tighter, and life feels heavier. But this time of year is always an annual reminder of who I was before January 2, 2009. That was the last time I walked into a … <\/p>\n