I\u2019ve been doing a lot of thinking, praying and waiting lately about what my role is as a father. It\u2019s not as cut and dry as most parents would think. And speaking of most parents, I was thinking of mine and how I\u2019m certain they have read or do read this. I was specifically thinking about my step mom and what she might think. I have been fairly graphic about my actions and thoughts prior to getting sober, and I thought about how bananas I must appear to \u201cthe outside world.\u201d People that haven\u2019t had experience with the level of hopelessness myself and those closest to me have had, will never truly understand. This is both a blessing and a hardship. So even though I display the behavior of a loving, caring, altruistic human being most of the time today, it wasn\u2019t always like that. And someone \u201con the outside world\u201d may read my words and think that what I\u2019m doing today is what I should have always been doing and that it\u2019s not something I should be talking about like it\u2019s such a big feat, and frankly, they would be right\u2026and that\u2019s not what this is about. Well, if that is the case, and I\u2019m not saying that it is, and this is directed towards no one, please understand that there are men and women (parents) who are still behaving like I once was, and maybe they just might get some small amount of hope that there is a better way if they ever stumble across this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So back to my initial thought. Where do I fit in as a parent? I have not been a disciplinarian since I have been put back in my son\u2019s life. I have been more of a friend who has experience to share. I have lessons I have learned and I am obligated to tell my son about them. I know from my own experience, that sometimes a \u201cdon\u2019t do \u2018this\u2019 or \u2018that\u2019 will happen\u201d talk isn\u2019t always the best. I know that as a very fearful child, I didn\u2019t feel comfortable talking to my dad about certain things and never did because I viewed him as a disciplinarian. I also viewed him as a teacher and a hero, but the consequences of me doing bad had me see more of the disciplinarian than anything else. The funny thing is, is that I haven\u2019t had a need to be the bad guy yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back when I was \u201cgettin it in\u201d as they say, I was always the bad guy. I did the things I swore I would never do. I screamed, I mean SCREAMED at the top of my lungs when things didn\u2019t go my way. When my kids were just being kids. And more often than not, I expected my step son to behave like a teenager who should\u2019ve known better when he was only 7. And as I said before, he got the worst of it. I hope one day I will be able to make that up to him. I mean really make it up to him. I hit him. Not hit like closed fist hit, no. But walked away with my hand stinging. Walked away and felt as though I needed to be punished for the way I just behaved. I walked away so ashamed of myself that occasionally I contemplated checking myself in somewhere. Only to repeat the same behavior the next time he \u201cacted up\u201d which really meant \u201cacted like a child his age should have.\u201d I was so sick. I punished them both. I remember one time they got punished from a game system and I ended up pawning it. I was all about me, and my boat not being rocked that I rarely spent anytime thinking about them. And I firmly believed I loved them the right way. I neglected them. I robbed them. I tortured 2 innocent little boys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So right now, I\u2019m basically starting over. I\u2019m not saying there isn\u2019t going to be a time when I need to put my foot down, but it hasn\u2019t happened yet. My son just does the right thing so much, that when he doesn\u2019t, it\u2019s barely noticed. I spend time walking and talking with him. The key word there was \u201cwith\u201d. I have learned from my experience working one on one with new guys coming to me for help, that it is much more productive to talk \u201cwith\u201d someone rather than \u201cto\u201d someone. I basically just live my life, and do my parenting like i constantly have a little 8 year old \u201cnew guy\u201d following me around all day looking for guidance. And you know what else? This little new guy I have, is the most willing new guy I have found to date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
With G-d directing my thinking, I think differently than I am wired to. I use my heart more. I can put myself in your shoes. I don\u2019t always need to be right. And I do not need to yell or put my hands on my child, that type of parenting is for someone else, not me\u2026.and not my son.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve been doing a lot of thinking, praying and waiting lately about what my role is as a father. It\u2019s not as cut and dry as most parents would think. And speaking of most parents, I was thinking of mine and how I\u2019m certain they have read or do read this. I was specifically thinking … <\/p>\n