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<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\nWhen all the pictures were taken, I had a son. But it\u2019s only the last two that I have been showing up as a father, as a daddy, as a friend and a teacher. It has been a long hard road to get to where I am. But the difficulty, and the time it took were a direct result of my actions. Or to put it better, my lack of action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I spent a solid 40 minutes the other night sitting in my backyard. Alone. It was late and I felt as though I needed some alone time with G-d. I take time everyday to just be alone with Him, and often really devote myself to just breathing and being in the moment. But with the temporary absence of my little boy recently, I have experienced some major discomfort. This discomfort has been here before, it\u2019s not new, and it\u2019s not circumstantial. In fact, the specifics of its birth mean nothing. The emptiness that I feel has nothing to do with what\u2019s going on in the world around me. I\u2019m not uncomfortable because I\u2019m homeless. I\u2019m not uncomfortable because I\u2019m broke. I\u2019m not uncomfortable because she doesn\u2019t love me anymore or because I lost a job, or I got locked up, or because I\u2019m without my child. I\u2019m uncomfortable because of a disconnection from G-d. And when I reconnect, I get centered again. Just like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sure I\u2019m going to be bothered by certain things. A wise man told me once, \u201cIf you didn\u2019t feel the way you do, then I\u2019d be worried.\u201d I pass that bit of awareness down the ladder to guys I work with often. It\u2019s simple but puts things in perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But today, when I am feeling down (which means I am just thinking about myself or that some sort of fear has moved into the number 1 position) I don\u2019t have to go out and shoot dope and I don\u2019t have to hurt myself or anyone else. I can just remind myself that G-d is with me through all of this, and He is the shot caller. Not me, and not you. Only Him. And I can sit quietly and breathe. I can go see where I can be helpful. I can pray. This works for me, someone who has a disconnection from G-d. I can just reconnect. I can be patient and trust that He knows what He\u2019s doing, and that He always has. And within a matter of minutes, I can go from one extreme to the other. I can go from disconnected to connected. I can go from my own worst enemy, to a loving father.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s amazing how easily I can go from one extreme to the other. It\u2019s equally amazing how difficult it can be to go from one extreme to the other. I was in the DMV yesterday with a friend. I needed to get a license because I lost mine and the lady who was working there … <\/p>\n