Picture this: You are at a rock concert, and twenty bands are playing. Only they don\u2019t take turns, they all play at the same time. And twenty of your friends are trying to talk to you at the same time. And you are trying to solve a complicated math equation while trying to hear your favorite song.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My head screams at me. My thoughts race from one idea to the next. It\u2019s as if I have no chance of completing a thought to get anything done ever. \u201cYou fucking loser! Get up, go do some laundry! Go kiss your baby! Wash the car, it\u2019s fucking filthy! Call your dad, you haven\u2019t\u2026SHIT, I gotta throw\u2026My fucking cell phone is gonna get shut off if I don\u2019t\u2026You\u2019re gonna need to get up with Black before he goes\u2026Where\u2019s my wife, she\u2019s going to\u2026My P.O. is probably pissed off that I\u2026etc\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is what\u2019s it\u2019s like. And it doesn\u2019t matter where I am, or who I\u2019m with, it\u2019s just there constantly. Dinner with my family, it\u2019s there. Playing on the floor with my son, it\u2019s there. Driving my car, it\u2019s there. At a job interview, it\u2019s there. When I\u2019m trying to go to sleep\u2026it\u2019s there, that\u2019s when it\u2019s the worst.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So tell me, how could you ever get anything done if that\u2019s how your head worked? You couldn\u2019t. And I am no exception. I couldn\u2019t even brush my teeth without a hundred different thoughts buzzing through my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when I fill that needle up, when I crack that bottle top, when I here that crackle in the end of a pipe\u2026All of that stops. In fact, the only thought I have to shuffle into action is \u201cWhere and how will I get more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You would think that, that\u2019s a good trade. Well, so did I. So that\u2019s how I managed for years. But there are big problems with that way of thinking. I still didn\u2019t get anything done. My son went hungry, he went without so much that he could\u2019ve had. And once the pain got great enough from watching him suffer, from watching my wife suffer, from watching my step-son suffer, and not to mention all my family and friends suffer\u2026I did more. I didn\u2019t stop. It wasn\u2019t enough. And then I got to a point where I wanted to stop and couldn\u2019t. And I don\u2019t need to be shooting heroin everyday to lose the power of choice. No, I just need a sip of alcohol, and sniff of dope, and it\u2019s over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is who I am without the only solution that works. G-d is the thing that has been able to shut off that noise in my head. The only thing that has given me any purpose. The only thing that gives me peace and quiet. Today, I take time to quiet myself in the presence of Him. I just stop. I breathe. I wait. Then I start my day. And all those self seeking thoughts I used to battle with are substituted with thoughts of how I can help you. I assure you, I\u2019m not wired to think this way, and I\u2019m not sure when that changed. All I know is, it\u2019s a lot easier to live like this, to be a Daddy to my son, than it is to live the way I used to.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Picture this: You are at a rock concert, and twenty bands are playing. Only they don\u2019t take turns, they all play at the same time. And twenty of your friends are trying to talk to you at the same time. And you are trying to solve a complicated math equation while trying to hear your … <\/p>\n