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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nThere was a house on Park Heights known on the street as \u201cMomma\u2019s House.\u201d You could go there and buy needles, heroin (even though it was stepped on) and crack. It was heated by the oven, which was sometimes my only source of warmth in the winter months. It was where I first used a needle. I was like 24 years old.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was damn near a local in that part of town, the only one of my kind I thought. I would expect that 90% or more of the residents of that part of town wish they lived somewhere else, but I chose to be there. I embraced it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It had everything I needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or rather, it had both of the two things I needed. Cocaine & heroin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It didn\u2019t have my mother or father. It didn\u2019t have my child. It didn\u2019t have my brother or my uncles. It didn\u2019t have my grandparents when they were alive and it didn\u2019t have their memory after they died. It didn\u2019t have my bills. It didn\u2019t have any of my responsibilities. It didn\u2019t have my regret and my shame. It didn\u2019t have my warrants (it did, but I don\u2019t think anyone cared about them) and it didn\u2019t have hope. It was an empty existence and it is part of me. It\u2019s in me as a constant reminder and lesson about the choices I make.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I was appalled by it. I was confused by it. I know people today who choose to live that life. You know them too. It is so sad to watch. People who have been exposed to a way out, and are trapped in a delusion that the solution that was placed at their feet was either too cumbersome to pick up or was never truly there in the first place. They look at their time in \u201crecovery\u201d as a waste of time and a disappointment. They believe that there is an easier or better way. They are convinced that there are human powers that are a sufficient substitute for God Reliance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wish them well. Maybe they\u2019re right. Maybe I\u2019m the one who has been tricked. Who knows? What I do know is that the life I live today offers freedom. It offers true happiness. It offers challenges, let downs, sadness, tough moments and it offers real pain. But it offers a Solution as well. A Solution that doesn\u2019t wear off in 3 hours. A Solution that allows me to be present for my family even in the thick of it. A Solution that keeps me out of dangerous situations. A Solution that prevents me from waking up on a McDonalds bathroom floor with a belt around my bicep.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today I was thinking about the lives I\u2019ve lived. Intentional plural there, folks. It\u2019s crazy to look at where I\u2019ve been and where I am in the same moment. It offers an aggressive clarity about why I\u2019m choosing to live sober and moreover it offers strength to stay consistent in the tightest of moments. I … <\/p>\n