I used to think that if there was a G-d, He had no interest in me, that no matter what I did or didn\u2019t do, life went on the same. I would feel the same. My discomfort or comfort was not related to anything other than what was done to me or wasn\u2019t done for me. I was exposed to the idea of G-d at an early age. I even went to a private school for several years, after that I went to night classes to learn about G-d. There were a few problems with that. First of all, I wasn\u2019t ready to accept the idea of G-d and secondly, it was pushed on me who G-d was.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I got a bit older I decided there was no G-d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not sure if that was due to me thinking it was cool to not believe or if I honestly just didn\u2019t believe. I was one of those people who said \u201cIf there is a G-d, why did He let my parents break up? Why does he allow people to get molested or starve to death? Why are there AIDS and cancer and other diseases if there is a G-d?\u201d It just didn\u2019t make sense to me. I was exposed to a lifestyle at an early age that I still feel I was too young to be exposed to. I was convinced that there was no G-d or He wouldn\u2019t have let that happen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That said, when I got heavily involved in the drink and drugs and crime and hopelessness, I always prayed for a way out when, and only when I needed a way out. When I hadn\u2019t eaten in days but I couldn\u2019t stop shitting water. When I would be hunched over the toilet and a stream of vomit would connect the toilet water to my mouth and I didn\u2019t have the strength to spit it out. When I would hallucinate from lack of sleep. When the police pulled me over. When I was broke and needed dope. These are the times I would pray. And the prayers didn\u2019t work\u2026or maybe they did looking back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I trudged on through life\u2026miserable and alone. Fighting the rest of the population, either in my head or literally. I can promise you that there is nothing joyous about a life like that. I hated everyone. My family was the last thing I wanted. Everyone pissed me off. The only time I would even want to speak to my parents was when I wanted something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I got word I had a son on the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tried to get better through reaching out to G-d. It worked. It will always work. I didn\u2019t stay connected because I turned my back on G-d. I did me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tomorrow I will be spending the entire day at the hospital and a specialist\u2019s office. Only I\u2019m not going for me. My 4 month old son developed something called torticollis. This caused him to only be able to sleep on one side for the first few months he\u2019s been alive. His skull is still soft so it ended up being flat on one side from only being able to sleep on one side. He has gone through physical therapy. He has seen doctor\u2019s far too many times. He needs to have a helmet fitted tomorrow that he has to wear for 23 hours a day for 4 to 6 months\u2026minimum. He also was showing signs of a possible brain concern. I had to take him to a pediatric neurologist. The neurologist said he needed to have an MRI. So tomorrow we\u2019ll be in the hospital doing that for around 4 hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He needs to be sedated for the procedure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He will be out of my sight during the MRI, unconscious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m not sharing this for sympathy, I assure you. I\u2019m sharing this because today, I know what G-d can do. I\u2019m telling you this because my prayers are answered today. I know that my baby will be fine. Not because this is a simple procedure, which it is but anytime someone tells you as a parent your son may have a brain concern, needs to be put under with drugs and there isn\u2019t really a choice in the matter, but because I have seen the Power of G-d. I don\u2019t believe for one second that something will go wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2026if something did happen to go wrong, I know that everything will be fine. That G-d hasn\u2019t given me anything I can\u2019t handle, and He\u2019s not about to start now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I used to think that if there was a G-d, He had no interest in me, that no matter what I did or didn\u2019t do, life went on the same. I would feel the same. My discomfort or comfort was not related to anything other than what was done to me or wasn\u2019t done for … <\/p>\n